I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
