Dual....:-)
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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