just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
