I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
