I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
