you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
