At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
