they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pants are for mortals
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
