Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
