if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
