So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You dont lie about slip and slides
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
