But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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