You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
