I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
