Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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