If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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