.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
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Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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