i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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