so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm too high and old for this...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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