It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
