How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
