3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
