We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
