I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
