I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
