my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
