yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
