he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
