Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
