the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I could fuck to npr.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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