The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The Olympian is in my bed
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
