Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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