Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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