I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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