Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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