Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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