She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
