i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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I deserve to be covered in dicks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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