he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
