after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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