Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
