cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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