Sry I called you an 8
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All the doctor said was why
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
