Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
