Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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