There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
