This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
