Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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