Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
