okay pat passed out under dana's car
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
