Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
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Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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