Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
