My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
