I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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