what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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