you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
