she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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Everclear isn't food dammit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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