can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
why is half of my head shaved?
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