I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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