what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
