distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
