she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
