Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
