he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize