you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
