it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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