I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
