I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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