Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i believe in u and ur pee
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