I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
