you win again, gameday.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
