i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize