; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
