just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
