I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
